The best changes don't come through force

Dear Leader,

When I was at your office the other day meeting with one of your VPs, you and I had the chance to exchange a greeting. I asked how things were going to which you replied "Well, it looks like I will need to let someone go." Your head dropped. This is the hire you made specifically to disrupt and spark a spirit of innovation regarding the administrative drag on the company. But, even with his high energy, change has stalled, stress is rising and now we have complaints of toxicity.

I have been in this situation personally and now in retrospect, I understand it better. I was the change agent hire. I could be overbearing, questioning things, curiously digging into process and questioning why people were doing the things they were doing. I suggested changes and experiments, but the team put in the least effort possible. I viewed their half-hearted effort as "lazy". They saw me as the guy whose job it was to eliminate theirs. The goal was innovative disruption, but the result was a battle of wills and self preservation.

You are living this reality, gritting your teeth each time the P&L comes out, you question why your change agent is having no effect. You ramp up pressure on him. He pushes harder. The team counters with resistance and complaints of toxicity. This misdirected energy revealing symptoms of misalignment rather than the progress you need.

That misalignment should trigger some questions for you. Have you openly explained the slide of profit into overhead and how that harms the vision of the company? Is the team aware of your goals regarding the change agent? And, have you addressed openly and plainly, their natural fears of losing their jobs?

It's time to call a meeting and start involving the team at a higher level. Be brutally honest. Explain the problem, show the charts and the constant slip of margin and the outsized growth of the administrative costs. Don't hide from what everyone already knows; namely that payroll is the majority of that cost. Help them understand that elimination of positions is not a foregone result of this process and that this is their chance to help develop something better.

Explain briefly what you have tried to do so far and the results the effort. Don't hide from your mistakes. The vulnerability and humility will bring the team closer. Then, bring them in to the solution process, ask what they would do. Given the chance, you will find that staff can be quite innovative.

Too often, we decide to make changes and then try to get buy-in. But we really haven't considered the team. Bringing them along during the development leverages their combined experience and eliminates the need for getting them on board. They own the plan; they've co-created it with you. And now you have a mandate for leading and holding everyone accountable.

Park Wiker

P.S. "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." — African Proverb

Stop letting one loss compound into a career of quiet defeat

Dear Leader,

Yesterday, you came into the conference room a different person from last month. The easy glide had been replaced by a sullen walk. You flopped into the seat across from me. You explained how the commission structure had changed only days after you landed the company's largest sale. What started as a motivational high, ended abruptly just after the agreement was signed. When I asked why, you snapped "They said the school district sale was too much commission."

Sadly, I have heard this story before. A great incentive plan encourages risks and bold innovative outreach, until it produces an outsized result. Then ownership revises the plan to the detriment of the sales team and inversely to owner benefit. Employees conclude that they are resources to be exploited rather than valued team players.

You should have been protected from this. This is precisely what made you so eager to leave your last position. Your desperation blinded you to the risks. This company told you what you wanted to hear, but you knew there was no contract or agreement regarding commissions. What they had described was a commissions policy. A policy that could change at any time. There were no boundaries to protect your value.

You betrayed the one person counting on you ... you.

It's obvious to me that this is registering as a defeat. Your demeanor is portraying a loss in confidence and enthusiasm. It won't be long before the team is modeling you with lackluster effort thinking "If he doesn't care, why should I?" And, if you let this go, the boss will notice the lack of performance. A condition that will justify the commission schedule change.

The worst effect is to you personally when a loss compounds into a series of losses.

Breaking free of this cycle takes a strong will and opportunistic perspective. You must reject the temptation to give up or give in. Take the most from this defining moment.

One opportunity is to address upper management with regard to changing rules. How lowering employee commissions when they win is perceived as an integrity problem. A problem that translates to lower performance. A conversation that will require accuracy, finesse and firmness. But, to start this series of conversations and presentations you will need to do some research into the revenue numbers and create some compelling projections. Projections that show the good that will come from a bold incentive program and the bad that will come from continuing with the current one. The biggest challenge will be adeptly tying your success to their success.

Another, and perhaps the biggest opportunity for you to prevent a repeat of this scenario. Consider this. Would you sell a car at a variable price chosen by the buyer? Selling your service to an employer should be similar. You have agency to set your limits, price and the terms upon which you are willing to operate.

It's time to set boundaries in the form of written contracts and agreements that describe how your commission schedule works. And while you are developing this, include your team. Show them by example how to maintain their sovereignty and how to negotiate fairly with employers.

This opening doesn't stop with negotiating a more attractive and stable commission schedule for you and your team. It's the opportunity to find that bold and confident leader in you. The leader that brings everyone along with him for wins all around.

But most important is the reinforcement to yourself that you set boundaries because you deserve boundaries. You have earned this.

Park Wiker

P.S. For it is you who know yourself, and what value you set upon yourself, and at what rate you sell yourself. Epictetus

Time to Move On With Purpose

Dear Leader,

In our last 1 on 1, you spoke of quitting. As the door clicked shut, the latest offense from the boss spilled out even before you sat. The tirade continued from one person to another in situations that can only be described as ancient. When I pressed further, you gave no indication that you had interest in mending the relationship with your co-workers or boss. It appears that you have already quit, doing the bare minimum merely to avoid a firing.

This didn't begin just last week. In the lead up to getting this job, you described a mounting financial pressure and your need to take any job you could get. Not getting what you wanted, the miss ate at you each progressing year making you sensitive to every injustice. Resentment developed in you and tainted your attitude.

But it's not them. You sacrificed the dream of working in sports to merely get anything.

The pain of that sacrifice comes back every time your extra work is not recognized or when those workmates you helped don't return the favor. You think "I don't belong here!" But the longer you endure this, the more you wonder if you are even capable of the dream. Every day adds evidence to your worst thoughts about yourself. It doesn't stop inside your head either. Your demeanor has your team referring to you as "the grumpy guy" which is a reputation that will be hard to shake. What started as a mere miss becomes an identity.

But it is not objectively true. It's in your head. What did Henry Ford say? "If you believe you can or if you believe you can't, you are right."

Before you can move toward better, you need to know what better looks like. That calls for some genuine and critical introspection. I am happy to offer you a voucher for my "Future Authoring" program to help you really narrow down what drives you.

For now, I will give you the 3 essential questions to answer for yourself.

• What does your ideal future look like in 3-5 years, including the kind of work, relationships, and impact you want to have on the world?
• What qualities do you admire in others (e.g., leaders, thinkers, or creators), and how do you want those to shape your own path?
• What future scenarios do you want to avoid at all costs, and what personal weaknesses or obstacles might lead you there?

The answers will reveal a motivational aim and from that, we can focus the search for your next gig.

When you find that job that is in alignment with your life's ambition, the payoff is purpose and fulfillment. There is real effort involved, but there will be an ease about you. No longer will those occasional injustices shake you because you'll say "it's worth it." This isn't quitting, this is a plan to move toward something meaningful. This is leading yourself.

Park Wiker

P.S. You should never sacrifice what you could be for what you are. - Jordan Peterson

The Promotion That Turned Your Peers into Subordinates Overnight

Dear Leader,

Through the years, you made friends with your peers and worked seamlessly with them. But your growth turned them into subordinates overnight.

The change became very clear last Friday when you met up with everyone for happy hour. Everything was normal, joking, pranking and witty competition. But then things veered into shop talk and complaints about management came quick and sharp. An awkward hush came over the table as you spoke up in defense about a decision. There was a subtle tone implying that they didn't see the full picture. You were able to dispel the awkwardness, but the realization of the change in your relationship became unmistakable. Everything IS different.

That moment was a glimpse into the conflicting loyalty that will inevitably force your betrayal of either the business or an individual. Your leadership credibility will not survive betrayal. Not a good look for a leader.

Pretending to be a peer when you are not is also sending the wrong message to your people. They will be confused about the relationship. They have difficulty discerning who is 'in charge'. Good friends are rarely on a different level of an authority hierarchy. This arises from the natural conflict of responsibility. You are responsible for their performance and you have the ability to affect their employment, creating a dynamic that is not conducive to friendship.

Acting as though nothing has changed is a recipe for pain with no redemption.

I had an owner tell me once "Oh no Park, you don't understand. It's different with me and my bookkeeper!" Then I watched as the bookkeeper used that friendship to get good employees fired while working less and taking more money. Never held to account, it was the bookkeeper who revealed information about the owner's personal challenges to a business buyer that cost the owner 20% on the sale of his business.

You ARE the "Boss" and you will need to embrace this new role. Think about those conversations over beers with your peers from a year ago. Would you be as dismissive of management's decisions now that it's you? Would you be as supportive of slackers vying for a raise? It's time to release the notion that you will be able to straddle the line between peer and leader. You are in charge.

You can see the progress on the goals you set for yourself. You learned the work, then how to lead a team and now management of the entire process. You now have access to management training, incentive design and hiring. This is the learning and the testing you will need to continue your advancement. Your social circle will be updated and new opportunities will emerge that you would never have had access to before. Embrace this moment of discomfort. As Nietzsche would say, "Amor Fati".

Park Wiker

P.S. Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. - William Shakespeare

Holding the Line When a Top Performer Is Causing Problems

Dear Leader,

I could see how conflicted you were when you asked "When do you give up on someone?" as you walked me to my car the other day. You were referring to Don, your 'remove all excuses' PM that clients love. He's the guy nailing timelines while carrying double the project load of anyone else on the team. But his boorish and rude language frequently offends a group of women on the team triggering an unnecessary drama.

You have talked to him about his language and he seems to improve for a time until he slips back into his old habits and the complaints renew. On top of that, the women begin to murmur to the rest of the team. But the target of that talk is not just Don, it's you and your perceived inaction. By not decisively dealing with the problem, you are being maligned as the leader that won't hold people to account.

Everything about your leadership hinges on your capacity to deal with the most uncomfortable parts of business and human interaction. Failure in these areas confirms to the team their worst fears; that you will buckle when it matters. As hope is lost, loyalty and command capacity follow, forcing you to lean on your authority. Trading the power of voluntary cooperative teamwork for that of coercion.

The solution to this problem is not difficult but it can be uncomfortable. Start with separate conversations with each individual where you will let them express their perspectives. Use that input to form clear and specific boundaries along with their consequences. It is important to remind everyone that these boundaries are promises and will be enforced.

Allow a little room for grace. When we ask people to resist or change ingrained, lifelong habits there will be slips. So be kind, stick to one, possibly two of the most important per person.

Once you are done with the private part, it's time for the uncomfortable group work. Bring everyone into the same room. This is not a debate nor is it an open discussion. This is where you state what is expected of each person, what they can expect from one another and exactly what will happen for non-compliance. With everything in the open, you will drive accountability for everyone.

This is not you quitting on anyone. This is you holding the line on the acceptable and unacceptable. Stepping directly and boldly into the difficult - unflinching. This is where you show up as the leader your team needs.

Park Wiker

P.S. You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame; How could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes? - Nietzsche

Dear Leader,

You mentioned to me that you are hoping to get the director role that is opening up in your department. I could see the excitement in your eyes that said "Finally, this is my chance!" It seems quite attractive. Better pay, more responsibility and the opportunity to guide the entire department. You have been here long enough, know the ins and outs of the department and your performance has been noted in your yearly reviews. I would think that you would be a quality candidate.

That same day, I also met with your VP. We were talking strategy and the open position came up casually. But your name didn't come up once. You have not revealed your desire for the role with those who are making this decision. In our conversation, you said, "They should know I want it." But you are not being noticed.

Should your superiors automatically be considering team members for the role? Probably, but people tend to be overly influenced by what is. That makes it difficult to see you in a different role. The point is that you have not clearly made it known that you desire the position. Your superiors are not mind readers. They know what you say and act out.

By not doing so, you are paving the way to resentment. And pity the soul who does get the job. You will quietly lament their wins and celebrate their slips. Maybe even subtly sabotaging them, holding back important information or leaving things out. Hating your job is just around the corner.

But there is one more awful side effect. You teach yourself that suppressing your wants and needs is normal. That you aren't worth the effort of speaking up.

So, I am going to offer some advice. First, I would ask, is your aim served by getting this promotion? If the answer is YES, then let's act on it in a more concrete and effective way. Let's consider the qualities of the person you must become to take this role. For one, this person would courageously make known what they want.

But along with that, they would know what the company needs. They would have a plan on how they want to meet those needs. In order to become this person, you are going to need to do some reconnaissance. Communicate your interest in the position. Ask upper management to reveal what they are expecting from this person. Then, look honestly at where you might be lacking and make a plan to close the gap. Become the person who is worthy of the role.

Whether or not you are selected, you are on your way to becoming that person who is a director. This is the uncomfortable process that will open up opportunities. If this opportunity passes, you will still be that person who is ready to fill that role in another place. That bold, unflinching and resolute person who serves the company and their own aim in a careful balance. No apologies.

Park Wiker

P.S. "It being right that even the smallest things be done with reference to an end." Marcus Aurelius

Undermining your presence with too much noise.

Dear Leader,

When we met for our 1 on 1, your supervisor abruptly interrupted us. He had reached out to a customer to follow up, but was pressed about a more recent order that you had taken. Putting his phone on mute, he was on the spot and needed a lifeline. You thoroughly explained the situation, the iterations, the late delivery, the negotiation on price. He thanked you and hurried back to the phone.

You feel that you are being thorough, but the truth is, you are over explaining. You feel that the lengthy explanation was justified. "He needed the context." "There is more to the situation."

The truth is that you were anticipating what might later become a reprimand. You could already hear it "This is our most important customer!" You wanted to avoid the accusations of moving too slowly or not paying enough attention to this customer.

You are attempting to communicate the landscape, a full picture. What is heard are excuses for a lack of progress. Saying too much is undermining your authority, sowing doubt. You appear unsure. And, generally, you are unsure, hedging. And, while this example is about the boss, it happens with the team too. Don't worry, it's not just you. 🙂

In the military, there is a saying. Bottom Line Up Front. Let's remember it as BLUF. Essentially this means that your final sentence, summing up your report should be placed at the beginning of your communication. And everything else? Should be dropped.

The second concept is that your report should not prompt more questions. It should answer the question thoroughly and satisfy the need of the requester. This may take some practice. Start tuning this skill by taking a breath before you answer.

In our situation, there was only one thing the boss cared about. That this customer's order was being actively attended. In this example, the correct answer was "Their order will be completed today" along with a touch to a copy of the order on your desk. That's it.

This behavior can feel dismissive and curt, maybe even disrespectful. But what you will find is that your ability to quickly and concisely answer questions instills confidence in all with whom you interact. Avoiding unimportant detail. People can move on quickly. Less to interpret and less opportunity for misunderstanding. Progress retains it's rightful place at the center.

Park Wiker

P.S. Let silence be your goal for the most part; say only what is necessary, and be brief about it. - Epictetus

Dear Leader,

I came back home from a competitive regional racing event. My performance indicated that I had a shot at a podium at nationals and I was excited. Talking to my father Sunday night, I told him that I had signed up for nationals and explained how I was going to save some money by re-using my tires.

"Do you think you have a chance of winning?" he asked. "Top 3, yes" was my answer. "Then why wouldn't you give yourself every possible advantage?" He explained how crushing a 4th place finish would be as I lamented "If I only had new tires." I wasn't planning my best, I was readying an excuse for losing.

My father's words came rushing back to me when I saw you last. You were talking about a new opportunity to use your internal AI resources to take months out of public company SEC financial audits. You were lost in your magical creative space, in the zone, working out the workflows and ensuring compliance. The margins would be great and this would expand the TAM for the company. Then, you stopped abruptly. "Yeah, that would be great, but the partner won't allow it." You feel stuck.

I know what you are thinking. "What can I do?" If my partner says "No”, then the answer is “No." But what you don't see is how you are allowing it to demoralize you. You have begun to self censor, killing ideas without them ever having been presented. You have adopted a defeatist mentality and it is infecting other aspects of your work life.

Is this how you address other obstacles in your business or in your life? Of course you don't! You don't give up. You don't give in. You try something new. You engage others and build an irresistible momentum. You key in on exactly what the other party needs and pivot on that. Let's dust off some of those ideas again. Let's filter through them and pull out 2 or 3 gems.

Then, we will get the team together to pressure test them, find the weaknesses and improve them. But, and this is essential, you need to spend some time curiously questioning your partner. What you need to discover is exactly what drives his fear and resistance to these new ideas. Grab a pen and paper and write some conversation openers. What is tripping him up? There is a foundational belief or fear that drives this ultra-conservative approach to business, and you need to find it. Then, we prepare the presentation. The problem that we are solving. The beautiful way this solution works for that problem. The bad things that will occur if we don't move forward. All while allaying his deepest fears.

What if it doesn't work you ask? Then we get creative. Maybe we do the project on our own or buy out the partner. The point is that "no" isn't the end. This is your creative calling, your test. This is your opportunity to learn and practice overcoming impossibly stubborn obstacles. Let's re-engage the excitement that brought you into this business.

Park Wiker

P.S. "In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order." Carl Jung

Sacrificing your highest contribution

Dear Leader,

From our visit, I can tell your anxiety levels are up. You’re distracted, dropping emails and everyone seems to want something from you. Based on our conversations, this is happening at home too. You feel overwhelmed because it's overwhelming. You are not crazy.

But let me reflect back to you what I see happening with an example. Those weekly customer status reports you used to do when you were in a support role? You are still doing them. This continues because you can complete them in 30 minutes, and it takes staff 4 hours; "So, I might as well just do it" is what you say.

I want to give you a different perspective. You are the only account executive qualified to walk prospects and clients through their portfolios. But this report, is a task that many of the staff can do, albeit slowly. At what point do you think is it more worthwhile for you to sacrifice 30 minutes of customer facing work in exchange for report writing? I ask you to look carefully at the responsibilities you have adopted. Are they really yours?

Every choice you make with regard to your time and effort means that everything that is not chosen is sacrificed. In other words, when you are not working on your highest calling or value, then the most valuable that you have to give, is sacrificed. Think about that. Your special power and value here is your ability to land clients. Not doing this at 100% fails your team by not bringing in the clients at the rate in which you could. Let me also add that working on these less worthy tasks steals the meaning from your work.

I know that you have capacity which is why we will concentrate on a winnowing of responsibilities. You already know that I am going to ask you to get out some paper and a pen, so just do it. 🙂

List and categorize your responsibilities. Here are the categories.

• Unique - Responsibilities that you are distinctly capable of doing.
• Important - Those things that must be done but many are capable.
• Optional - These are nice to have, but are not directly aligned with your aim. Your myriad of volunteer work for example.
• Inappropriate - These are the items where someone has saddled you with their responsibilities and you didn't have the heart so say "No."

Without a moment's thought, slash the inappropriate category items from your life. Next, remove all but the most meaningful of the "Optional" responsibilities. Do you still have too much? Look carefully at the important items and consider to whom these things can be delegated or outsourced. The real point here is to ensure the responsibilities unique to you are given their proper attention. That requires opening space so that you can do so.

When you are focused, you are powerful. When you combine focus with your unique contribution to the team and business, you are unstoppable. The progress that comes brings meaning to your work. Your stress drops. Courage and confidence rise. And at some point you start thinking, "I've got this!" And, yes, this can be applied at home.

Park Wiker

P.S. "You can do anything, but not everything." David Allen

Communication is a two-party system

Dear Leader,

Last time you and I were together, I sat with you as you addressed uncomfortable calls about late payments from vendors with your bookkeeper. One vendor had even called you out at your Rotary club meeting causing embarrassment. After the meeting, you had to rush off for another appointment. I took that opportunity to speak with her privately. I asked, "What did you hear?"

She correctly heard that you are upset with vendors calling you directly. That some of them are snapping at you about late checks and that you feel embarrassed by them. She gets these calls as well, and your frustration is understandable. I asked "What were the action items out of this meeting?" She admitted that she did not know, but offered to make her direct line more prominent on the POs to reduce calls to you.

It is now 3 weeks later and vendor calls are going up, not down. You assumed that she would understand the problem and would automatically step up with solutions and implement them. She did not because you didn't clearly tell her what you wanted.

This is creating several sub-optimal outcomes. Vendor calls are upsetting you. Your mounting frustration with your bookkeeper is now coloring comments to me and other leaders. Her reputation damage is mounting all while she is unaware of her contribution to the problem.

Here is your challenge. Prior to speaking with each person this week, (start with the bookkeeper please), write down on a piece of paper exactly what you need to occur after the conversation is over. Have the conversation, but keep glancing at the statement on the paper. As you are wrapping up the conversation, ask "Can you tell me what I am expecting of you?" When their answer matches what is on your piece of paper, you are on a path to success.

Your leadership will improve when you start with clarity for yourself. Stop and think "what do I want" from this conversation or this person? This clear expectation is required in order to create a structure where accountability can exist, even personally. For example, "I need to lose weight" is vague and bound for failure because it does not convey an action to take TODAY. Something like "I am eliminating soda from my diet from here forward" however, is clear, actionable and ultimately, kind.

Directness and clarity are needed by everyone on your team. It empowers them to meet expectations, fulfill the needs of the team and acquire respect. They will KNOW when they have done well. A bonus from this is that your employees will feel and act like contributors, bringing purpose and meaning. Best of all? You become the leader they need and want to follow.

Park Wiker

P.S. Napoleon reminds us that “Long orders, which require much time to prepare, to read, and to understand, are the enemies of speed.”