Stop Waiting for Permission

Polite won't work

"We need to transition your clients soon" you said to your retiring account executive. "Yeah, we'll work on that" came the curt response. It was the same answer you have gotten in the past, but nothing ever happens. The days become weeks then months. You feel the tension, the looming deadline, the building financial pressure along with the prospect of an emergency transition.

You want to be kind, polite and show honor to your predecessor. So much so that behind the scenes you are doing his work. Fed by your feeling of responsibility and his short timer's attitude, you are covering for him. You are calling clients he forgets and covering for him on his random surprise days off. "We can't just let their calls go unanswered!" you exclaim. "If I don't do his job for him, the clients will suffer. And, they will be my clients one day!"

Yes, your predecessor is letting you and your customers down. But the failure here is your handling of the transition. You have allowed the power of your success or failure to rest in the hands of your predecessor, and he doesn't really care.

But I know you do care because I have seen your head drop in frustration when I ask about the transition. It clearly weighs on you. The anticipation of the 11th hour flurry burns in your chest. Your imagination paints the scene with you offering apologies, hemming and hawing; excuses that could easily be avoided. But when it's over, you will still be here, dealing with those customers, and he will be golfing in the Carolinas. It is time to take charge.

And, taking charge requires one central action. Stop requiring participation. Allow me to illustrate. Rather than asking him to transition his clients to you, state who will be transitioned. "Here is the list of clients who will be transitioning next week. Times and dates are there. You are welcome to participate." I know this assertiveness is uncomfortable. But it's time to let go of your politeness and put the clients first. Those clients are your priority.

There will be pushback at first and this is where your steeled will is tested. Don't argue, don't explain, don't capitulate. If you need to speak, each statement becomes a shorter version of what was already said. "These are the clients who will be transitioning next week." If pushback continues, go shorter and firmer. "These clients are transitioning." You will feel a flush come from your chest into your face, a slight euphoric sensation.

That feeling is your assertive self finding her way to the surface. Let her out because you have earned the right to lose your timidity. You have demonstrated your ability to take care of clients with a high level of responsibility. You don't need to act confident, you can use your track record and customer feedback as evidence that supports confidence. That will translate into respect from everyone in your circle and a much better experience for your client. Which is the real goal.

Park Wiker

P.S. To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough. **Edith Eva Eger**