Everything IS Different

The Promotion That Turned Your Peers into Subordinates Overnight

Dear Leader,

Through the years, you made friends with your peers and worked seamlessly with them. But your growth turned them into subordinates overnight.

The change became very clear last Friday when you met up with everyone for happy hour. Everything was normal, joking, pranking and witty competition. But then things veered into shop talk and complaints about management came quick and sharp. An awkward hush came over the table as you spoke up in defense about a decision. There was a subtle tone implying that they didn't see the full picture. You were able to dispel the awkwardness, but the realization of the change in your relationship became unmistakable. Everything IS different.

That moment was a glimpse into the conflicting loyalty that will inevitably force your betrayal of either the business or an individual. Your leadership credibility will not survive betrayal. Not a good look for a leader.

Pretending to be a peer when you are not is also sending the wrong message to your people. They will be confused about the relationship. They have difficulty discerning who is 'in charge'. Good friends are rarely on a different level of an authority hierarchy. This arises from the natural conflict of responsibility. You are responsible for their performance and you have the ability to affect their employment, creating a dynamic that is not conducive to friendship.

Acting as though nothing has changed is a recipe for pain with no redemption.

I had an owner tell me once "Oh no Park, you don't understand. It's different with me and my bookkeeper!" Then I watched as the bookkeeper used that friendship to get good employees fired while working less and taking more money. Never held to account, it was the bookkeeper who revealed information about the owner's personal challenges to a business buyer that cost the owner 20% on the sale of his business.

You ARE the "Boss" and you will need to embrace this new role. Think about those conversations over beers with your peers from a year ago. Would you be as dismissive of management's decisions now that it's you? Would you be as supportive of slackers vying for a raise? It's time to release the notion that you will be able to straddle the line between peer and leader. You are in charge.

You can see the progress on the goals you set for yourself. You learned the work, then how to lead a team and now management of the entire process. You now have access to management training, incentive design and hiring. This is the learning and the testing you will need to continue your advancement. Your social circle will be updated and new opportunities will emerge that you would never have had access to before. Embrace this moment of discomfort. As Nietzsche would say, "Amor Fati".

Park Wiker

P.S. Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. - William Shakespeare