Don’t Quit on Don

Holding the Line When a Top Performer Is Causing Problems

Dear Leader,

I could see how conflicted you were when you asked "When do you give up on someone?" as you walked me to my car the other day. You were referring to Don, your 'remove all excuses' PM that clients love. He's the guy nailing timelines while carrying double the project load of anyone else on the team. But his boorish and rude language frequently offends a group of women on the team triggering an unnecessary drama.

You have talked to him about his language and he seems to improve for a time until he slips back into his old habits and the complaints renew. On top of that, the women begin to murmur to the rest of the team. But the target of that talk is not just Don, it's you and your perceived inaction. By not decisively dealing with the problem, you are being maligned as the leader that won't hold people to account.

Everything about your leadership hinges on your capacity to deal with the most uncomfortable parts of business and human interaction. Failure in these areas confirms to the team their worst fears; that you will buckle when it matters. As hope is lost, loyalty and command capacity follow, forcing you to lean on your authority. Trading the power of voluntary cooperative teamwork for that of coercion.

The solution to this problem is not difficult but it can be uncomfortable. Start with separate conversations with each individual where you will let them express their perspectives. Use that input to form clear and specific boundaries along with their consequences. It is important to remind everyone that these boundaries are promises and will be enforced.

Allow a little room for grace. When we ask people to resist or change ingrained, lifelong habits there will be slips. So be kind, stick to one, possibly two of the most important per person.

Once you are done with the private part, it's time for the uncomfortable group work. Bring everyone into the same room. This is not a debate nor is it an open discussion. This is where you state what is expected of each person, what they can expect from one another and exactly what will happen for non-compliance. With everything in the open, you will drive accountability for everyone.

This is not you quitting on anyone. This is you holding the line on the acceptable and unacceptable. Stepping directly and boldly into the difficult - unflinching. This is where you show up as the leader your team needs.

Park Wiker

P.S. You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame; How could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes? - Nietzsche