Trust and Vulnerability

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My programmers were all around the table as we had been so many times before. I was the head of the company and as such performed much of the customer interaction and sales. We had a particularly vexing problem. I had relayed the problem to the team a couple days earlier but had not pressed them for answers or solutions. I am a strong believer in sub conscious problem solving. This day was the day to put our ideas out for peer critical review.

I brought the meeting to order and rehashed the problem on the whiteboard. At the same time, I noted the end goal. "Guys, we are going to go around the room and explain how we would each solve this problem if it were up to us." I started off. I sketched out my idea in broad strokes. The room was silent. I prompted "Feedback?". Steve piped up. "That won't work." he quickly found a flaw in my plan. I responded, defending my idea and offering a workaround. This went back and forth for a few minutes until I stopped the argument and gave Steve the floor. Again, a similar routine. Critical analysis of each others ideas that would make an insecure person cower in fear.

Trust.

The word itself makes one think of the feeling you get when Mom your lover or partner hold you. Trust however, is not a feeling. Trust is a noun. In a team setting, it represents the behavior that occurs when you know that every member of the team values the team higher than himself. When you know that the gunner is watching your six and that he will give his life to protect you. It's knowing that you will in turn put yourself at risk to make certain his ammo can has been prepared and that you will take his place if he falls.

You will know trust because your team will look at your harebrained idea and tell you that it is harebrained. You will know trust when you accept that it is harebrained and don't defend your ego or intelligence. Oh, and you won't fire any one.

Why trust?

High functioning teams are teams that somehow accomplish things that seem, from the outside, to be miraculous. That type of team starts with trust. Trust is the foundation for reliable relationships that allows for all types of other interactive behavior. Teams don’t really exist without trust. Essentially, a team without trust is just a group of people, not a team.

The great thing about a team is that you can take a group of average people that trust one another and work as a team to compete against a group of more competent individuals that do not trust one another and the trusting team will dominate every time.

On the other side, the opportunity to operate in trusting environment is far less stressful, more fulfilling and more enjoyable. That’s why we want trust.

What is Trust?

Trust is not fearful. Trust does not envy. Trust does not think more of itself than it ought. Trust is not malicious. Trust is intentional. Trust is respectful. Trust is honest. Trust is reliable. Trust is vulnerable.

At first, one may think that this has all turned very religious. However, trust is something that you do and how it matches up with what you say. Trustworthiness is the return of trust to the submitter through action. The behavior and actions that provide evidence to another that you will act in this manner repeatedly. These actions build a circle of trust. Trust is built upon evidence. You trust your team and they provide you with the evidence that they are trustworthy. Trust is your walk and it is something you must consciously do every day.

How do you build trust in a team?

Let’s imagine that you are in a group but not a team. If you are the leader, it starts with you. You must walk the walk, every day, more reliably than anyone else. You must make yourself vulnerable to your team providing them with the opportunity to engage a trusting relationship with you. You must be the example that you want from them.

Let me avoid sugar coating this. Building a trusting relationship with your group is likely going to be painful. There is just no way around that. You will start by making yourself vulnerable to being hurt, inconvenienced and irritated. You may put your faith in your team before they are trustworthy. A project may put your bonus at risk and quite possibly you will lose it. Your pain will allow you to sort out those who care about you and the team and those who don’t. You will be the example that your team needs to witness to understand that you will have their back even if you have to sacrifice for them. Your consistency will be the example that your group wants to follow.

Make no mistake. There will likely be members of your group that will not grow to appreciate the team mentality. These will be people who have no humility and refuse to give to the team. I refer to them as Cowboys. Pull these problematic people out of the team. I have heard how a particular member of the team is so competent, but how no one wants to work with them. The boss refuses to help them on their career path and in turn, destroys the camaraderie of the team. Don’t do this to your team. You are there to support them by making the hard decisions and having the hard conversations. That is your contribution. You owe it to them to help them work with team members that want to do the same.

After everyone had made their pitch and received their criticism, I looked around the table and said “It seems to me that Tom’s plan is the best.” I received nods and mumbled admissions that indeed, Tom’s plan was the best overall. “Then it’s decided.” Tom worked out the details of his plan and everyone on the team was on board. It is true that some still thought that their idea was better than Tom’s, but they had their chance to pitch everyone and now we had a plan. We turned our proverbial canoes in the water and paddled in unison.